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桃李不言,下自成蹊……

 
 
 

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2009年高考英语讲座(5)  

2009-02-14 11:21:18|  分类: 英语教学 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

  下载LOFTER 我的照片书  |

 

  书面表达如何审题

审题是书面表达的第一步,也是关键一步。考生在真正开始写作之前,必须舍得花相当一部分时间做写前阅读、思考等准备工作。只有审准了题,弄清了题目要求,才有可能写出好文章。具体说来,审题准确包含以下四个方面:

一、审体裁

根据情景提示首先要弄清写何种体裁的文章,是记叙文、说明文、应用文,还是议论文等。无论提供材料的方式是通过文字描述还是图画或表格,但要求文章的体裁是唯一的。倘若体裁不对,评卷时原则上要从考生应得分数中扣掉7分。所以动笔之前,认真审题至关重要。

二、审格式

一定的体裁有其特有的格式,近年高考书面表达题中,应用文居多,应弄清应用文该用什么格式,是否有其固定的套语等。例如书信、日记、.通知(口头或书面)、便条等都有其特定的格式,不能随便写。其中书信最复杂,根据试题要求,要注意信的开头、称呼、主体、结尾、签名,这五个部分都要写全面,而且每个部分又各有要求,考生对这些都要有明确的认识。

三、审内容

要点齐全是得分的基本保证,漏掉要点就会被降低档次评分。要想书面表达得高分,内容全面和不跑题也是最基本的要求。所以考生在身体是还要弄清什么改写,什么不该写;那些该详写,那些该略写等。尤其是图画式书面表达题,考生应注意,不能把图中的所有内容都表达出来,要学会连贯性读懂图意,要分清哪些是主要内容,那些是次要内容。同时还要注意,有的内容是做暗示用的,有些上文出现的内容要与下文的内容相衔接,有些下文出现的内容需要在前面作铺垫。总之,所写内容既要符合图画所描绘的情景,又要连贯通顺,自圆其说。如写记叙文,要抓好“wh-” 问题,即时间(when)、地点(where)、人物(who)、事件(what)以及其它一些要素。

四、审人称

审人称即弄清书面表达要求用何种人称,用第一人称,第二人称,还是第三人称来写。高考书面表达阅卷中非常重视人称,出现人称错误要扣除相应的分数。其中有几年高考书面表达题的评分标准明确规定,用错人称从总分中扣7分。所以考生在审题时,千万不要忽略人称的正确使用。

五、审时态

审时态即根据所给材料信息确定短文的基本时态。一般说来,一篇特定的短文,它通常有自己特定的基本时态。如通知常用将来时态,日记常用过去时态,等等。另外,由于每一个句子都涉及时态问题,所以考生容易忽略这个问题,随便用错时态,则每个句子都会因时态用错而扣分(时态错误属于扣分较严重的错误)。具体地说,表示现在经常性的情况用一般现在时;表示过去发生的动作要用一般过去时;而当我们要强调一个过去发生的动作对现在的影响或一个过去发生的动作持续到现在时,则要用现在完成时,等等。这些都是时态方面的基本规则,考生每写一个句子,都要引起注意。

以下我们以NMET 2005年全国卷I、II书面表达为例,看一看如何审题。

原题:

假定你是李华,正是英国牛津参加短期语言培训,计划星期天去伦敦旅游。互联网上一则广告引起了你的注意,但一些具体信息不明确(箭头所指内容)。请给该旅行社发一封电子邮件,询问有关情况。

注意:1.词数100左右,信的格式已为你写好。

2.可根据内容要点适当增加细节,以使行文连贯。

3.参考词汇:牛津——Oxford    费用——fee

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Sir/Madame,

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Yours,

Li Hua

审题:

首先,确定体裁。注意提示内容所给信息。本文是发给旅行社的一封电子邮件,询问有关去伦敦旅游的情况。电子邮件属于书信的一种,本文体裁是一片应用文。

其次,确定格式。既然是书信,就会有一定的固定格式和套语,原题中已给出书信的固定格式,考生须注意一些书信的套语。

第三,确定内容要点。通过图表所示信息,我们可以看到其要点包括:①开头;②是否有学生特价;③票价包含的项目;④是否有午餐;⑤返回时间;⑥是否有购物时间。

第四,确定人称。本文是一封电子邮件,且题干中有“假定你是李华”这样的提示,因此可以确定本文应使用第一人称写作。

第五,确定时态。本文是询问去伦敦旅游有关问题的书信,时态应基本使用一般现在时。

 

范文:

Dear Sir/Madame,

I’m writing for more information about the day tour to London.

As a student at Oxford University , I’d like to know if you have any special price for students. As for the money you charge, does it cover the entrance fees for visiting the places listed? What about lunch? Is it included? Or do I need to bring along my own food?

       How long will the tour last? Since I need to prepare my lessons for the nest day, I’d like to know the time to return. Besides, is there any time for shopping? I really want to have a look at the big stores in London.

Yours,

   Li hua

   我们再看一个例子,以下是2004年高考北京卷书面表达情景作文试题:

 

原题:

    某学校对中学生课余活动进行了调查,结果如下。请根据图表1提供的信息描述学生每天的课余活动,并针对图表2中任何一个数据中反映的情况写出你的一个看法。词数不少于60。

 

生词:图表chart

 

审题:

首先,确定体裁。注意提示内容所给信息。本文是一篇图表作文,根据图表所提供信息,表达个人观点。因此,本文体裁是说明文。

其次,确定格式。本文是图表作文,需要根据图表提供信息,表达个人观点。因此在格式上,应注意在文章开头清楚表明图表信息。

第三,确定内容要点。通过图表所示信息,我们可以看到其要点包括:①学生主要课余活动及时间;②学生各项主要活动所站课余时间比例;③做作业所需时间最长,所占课余时间比例最大;④其次为看电视;⑤做家务时间最短,所占课余时间比例最小;⑥体育锻炼、用电脑、听音乐所占比例基本在10%左右。

第四,确定人称。本文是一篇图表作文,根据表格表达个人观点。因此,可客观陈述表格内容,并在表达观点是使用第一人称写作。

第五,确定时态。本文是一篇图表作文,根据表格表达个人观点,属说明文。时态应使用一般现在时。

 

范文:

Chart 1 shows the daily average amount of time the students of the school spend on different after-class activities. The students put the most time-93 minutes-into their homework, and next in line is watching TV, which takes up 46 minutes. They put in about the same amount of time listening to music and working on the computer, 34 minutes and 30 minutes each. While 25 minutes is spent on sports, only 12 minutes goes into housework.

As is shown on Chart 2, only 10% of the time is taken up with sports activities. I think the school should encourage the students to do more exercise after class. This way, they may be healthier and more energetic.

 

注意:由于书面表达写作时间有限,审题时间一般应控制在3~4分钟。

 

 

 

 

第六节  书面表达临场写作

   

上一节中我们已对如何审题作了详细叙述。下一步,考生就要真正动笔,开始写作了。一篇好的书面表达在体裁、人称、时态等正确的基础上,用基本无误的语言把内容、要点全部或基本写出来非常重要,同时,考生还应兼顾行文连贯、文章通顺,则能更好的表情达意,以期取得较高分数。

 

一、捕捉信息,组织要点

 

书面表达的评分依据之一就是内容要点。在审题阶段,考生应对要点已有一个基本了解。此时,在认真审题,弄清题意的基础上,应逐个地完整无缺地把内容要点列出来(一般为5—8个要点),用明白、恰当、得体的语言表达出来;其次要尽量消除汉语式的英语表达方式,更不能逐字逐句地将汉语译成英语,使得文章支离破碎。

这里,我们以NMET 2005年天津卷书面表达试题为例:

原题:

请你根据提示用英语写一篇短文,介绍第十五届全国书市开幕当天的情况,并浅谈举办书市的意义。

 

日期

2005年5月18日

地点

天津

人数

6万余人(来自全国各地、各行各业)

主要活动

开幕式、科普讲座、作者与读者见面

受欢迎图书

社会科学、少儿读物、外语等

意义

提供好书、方便购书、满足人们增长知识的愿望

注意:

1. 词数:80—120

2. 可适当增加细节,以使行文连贯

3. 参考词汇:全国书市——National Book Fair  开幕式——opening ceremony

 

在审题阶段,我们可以找出的要点包括:

1. 第15届全国书市于2005年5月18日在天津召开;

2. 当日有6万余人到场,来自全国各地、各行各业;

3. 主要活动包括开幕式、科普讲座、作者与读者见面;

4. 受欢迎的图书有社会科学、少儿读物、外语等;

5. 举办书市的意义是提供好书、方便购书、满足人们增长知识的愿望。

 

现在就可以用英语具体列出要点:

1) The 15th National Book Fair will be held on May 18th in Tianjin.

2) There are about 60,000 from all traded and professions in different regions.

3) Primary activities include opening ceremony, popular science lectures and meetings between writers and readers.

4) Books on social science, children and foreign languages are popular.

5) The significance is to provide good books, convenience to readers and satisfy peoples’ desire for knowledge.

 

二、 注重开头,写好结尾

 

大家都知道“Well begun is half done(良好的开端是成功的一半)”。高考书面表达属指导性写作,从历年的试题来看,都有一定的材料提示,而且有明确的字数限制。所以开头宜开门见山,直奔主题。同时要对你所写的第一个句子慎之又慎,确保不出任何错误,最好能作到引人入胜。

下面是2005年NMET书面表达参考例文中所给出的开头(已给出开头的不算在内)。

① I’m writing for more information about the day tour to London.(全国卷I、II)

② A famous saying goes that there must be a use for my talent.(上海娟)

③ It was snowing heavily on Monday morning.(辽宁卷)

④ Chinese students celebrate their birthdays in different ways, but the most common way is to

hold a birthday party, at which friends get together to have fun drinking, singing and dancing. (浙江卷)

另外,文章能否得高分,结尾也很关键。好的结尾能起到画龙点睛的作用,也能使阅卷老师的眼前为之一“亮”。至于说怎样结尾,应根据不同体裁的文章而定,或总结全文,或表明对所写人物的态度,或适可而止,水到渠成。

下面是2005年NMET书面表达范文中所给出的结尾(已给出结尾的不算在内)。

① What’s more, we should improve our study methods and get well prepared for examinations. (福建卷)

② Dear fellow students, let’s start fight now and spare no effort to do a little bit every day, every hour, and every minute. (江苏卷)

③ Or, we should not hope to get rewards without hard work. (广东卷)

④ In this way, we express thanks to our parents in return for their love. (浙江卷)

 

三、谴词造句,准确表达

 

高考英语书面表达“具体评分标准”第四条中指出,评分时应注意的主要内容有:内容要点、应用词汇和语法结构的数量和准确性、上下文的连贯性及语言的得体性。且个档次具体给分标准中“最高档”的要求是:应用了较多的较复杂的语法结构或高级词汇;语法结构或词汇方面又些许错误,但那是为尽力使用较复杂结构或较高级词汇所致;有效地使用语句间的连接成分,使全文结构紧凑。从这些方面我们可以看出,一篇好的书面表达不仅仅要求“要点齐全”,还对“应用词汇和语法结构的数量和准确性、上下文的连贯性及语言的得体性”方面提出了具体明确的要求。它不仅要求考生能够根据提示和要求准确表达出要点,而且还要求考生在写作中能创造性地表达有关要点。同时,考生必须注意,所有创新必须以准确性为前提。考生应尽量使用自己熟悉的、见过的,运用较自如的词汇火表达方式,冷静思考,扬长避短。

1、 遣词

遣词的基本原则是准确、生动、形象,符合习惯。但是,有时由于受中文的干扰,有的考生往往紧抠着提示中的某个中文词语绞尽脑汁地去找所学过的等同该词的英文词语,不但浪费了时间,更主要的是往往选用的词不恰当。遇到这种情况,可以采取转译法,用同义词、近义词,甚至可用反义词转代表达。例如:“开会”这个“开”可借助动词 “have” 或 “hold” 等来转译。又如“签名”,虽然学过 “sign one’s name”如果一时想不起来可以用 “write down one’s name”来释意。再如“懒惰”可以用 “not hard-working”,“不熟悉”可用 “know little about…”等来表达。

在写作中,考生还可以适量使用“较高级或高级词汇”,但要注意语言的得体性。所谓“较高级或高级词汇”主要是指《中学英语教学大纲》上没有的词语,或使用通过构词法派生、变化而来的省次,或使用同(近)义词或反义词等来代替常见词语。

如:

例1:这个政党只有十名成员。

1)The party is made up of only 10 members.

2)Only 10 members constitute the party.

分析:1)句中的be made up of是常见词组,为考生们所熟悉;而2)句中的constitute是则是大纲上没有的,属于较高级词汇。

例2:他的成功要归功于他父母的鼓励。

    1)He attributes his success to his parents’ encouragement.

2)His success is attributable to his parents’ encouragement.

分析:1)句中的attribute to是考生们熟悉的词组;而2)句中使用了be attributable to ,其中attributable是由attribute派生而来的,也属于较高级词汇。

2、 造句

在造句时,考生要注意以下三点:

(1)句子既要生动,又要简明扼要。

(2)在写作中应避免使用相同长度的相同句型,而应注意句式的变化,如长短句结合,简单句、复杂句和复合句并用,还可以使用简化具等;一些较复杂的结构如独立结构、分词结构等也可以使用。

(3)可以使用一些特殊句式,如强调句、感叹句、倒装句等,增强语句的表现力,以期增加文章“亮点”。

下面摘选几句2005年NMET书面表达中一些值得学习和借鉴的“亮点”词汇与句型供欣赏。

① Every time she gives performances at the school party, teachers and students sing high praise for her. (上海卷)

② What he sees in the mirror is not his physical self but what he will be like in twenty years. (北京卷)

③ To move or not, this is a big decision, which has to be made by people in Beijing.(全国卷III)

④ Another case in point is my best friend Liu Mei. (上海卷)

 

3、高考书面表达怎样运用较复杂结构

近几年的高考《考试说明》中,关于高考英语书面表达评分标准第五档(很好)中有这样一段话:“应用了较多的语法结构和词汇;语法结构或词汇方面有些许错误,但为尽力使用较复杂结构或较高级词汇所致。”这就是说,学生仅运用基础的词汇和基本的句型,不能体现出较强的语言运用能力,即使表达无语法错误,也不能得高分;相反有些错误,目的在有意识地使用复杂结构或较高级词汇,也不扣分,仍属于最高档次。

以下将介绍一下在高考书面表达中应如何运用较复杂结构。

(1)改变时态

例如:The bell is ringing now. (一般)

There goes the bell! (高级)

(2)改变语态

例如:People suggest that the conference be put off. (一般)

It is suggested that the conference be put off. (高级)

(3)使用不定式

例如:He is so kind that he can help me.(一般)

He is so kind as to help me.(高级)

(4)使用过去分词

例如:① She walked out of the lab and many students followed her.(一般)

Followed by many students, she walked out of the lab.(高级)

② Once it is seen, it can never be forgotten.(一般)

Once seen, it can never be forgotten.(高级)

(5)使用V-ing形式

例如:① When he arrives, please give me an e-mail.(一般)

On arriving/his arrival, please give me an e-mail.(高级)

② If the weather permits, I'll come tomorrow.(一般)

I'll come tomorrow, weather permitting.(高级)

(6)使用名词性从句

例如:①It disappointed everybody that he didn't turn up.(一般)

The fact that he didn't turn up disappointed everybody.(高级)

②I happened to have met him.(一般)

It happened that I had met him.(高级)

③To his surprise, the little girl knows so many things.(一般)

What surprises him is that the little girl knows so many things.(高级)

(7)使用定语从句

例如:The girl is spoken highly of. Her composition was well written.(一般)

The girl whose composition was well written is spoken highly of.(高级)

(8)使用状语从句

例如:① I won't believe what he says.(一般)

No matter what he says, I won't believe.(高级)

② If you come back before six o'clock, you can go out.(一般)

You can go out on condition that (provided that) you come back before six o'clock.(高级)

③ If she doesn't agree, what shall we do?(一般)

Supposing that she doesn't agree, what shall we do?(高级)

(9)使用虚拟语气

例如:① If you had taken my advice, you wouldn’t have failed in the exam. (高级)

      ② I wish it were spring all the year around. (高级)

      ③ He speaks English so fluently as if he had studied English in England. (高级)

(10)使用倒装句

例如:① The teacher didn’t come until he finished his homework. (一般)

         Not until he teacher came did he finish his homework. (高级)

      ② I never shall do this again. (一般)

         Never shall I do this again. (高级)

      ③ As though the chemistry homework was very difficult, it was finished in time. (一般)

         Difficult as was the chemistry homework, it was finished in time. (高级)

(10)使用强调句型

例如:① Professor Lin teaches us English. (一般)

         It is Professor Lin who teaches us English.  (高级)

      ② I saw the film in Shanghai. (一般)

         It was in Shanghai that I saw the film. (高级)

 

四、 整理成篇,行文连贯

 

众所周知,要写出清晰流畅的文章,需要把文章中各部分巧妙地连接在一起。这样可使文章自然而别致,并能层层展开主题句,完整地表达中心思想。考生答题时要根据所给的条件、提示、将事情发展过程合理排列成文;同时要注意文章逻辑要清楚,先写什么,后写什么,并应注意句与句、段与段之间的连贯;要能够使用一些常用的表示时间顺序、方位关系、因果关系等逻辑概念的过渡词语,将句子按英文习惯连贯成篇。切忌按中文意思,随意排列组句。

过渡词是一种关系指引词,一般由副词或起副词作用的短语承担。此外,代词、连词、上下文的近义词等也可作过渡词。过渡词犹如“桥梁”,在文章中发挥着连接上下文的作用,学会恰当地运用过渡词会使文章结构紧凑,启、承、转、合,过渡自然,融会贯通,连成一体。

下面我们来看看常见的一些过渡词语:

1、根据意思和作用的不同,过渡词可以分为以下十六类:

(1)表并列关系的过渡词:

and, also, as well, as well as, or, too, not only…but also, both … and, either … or, neither…nor等。

(2)表递进关系的过渡词:

besides, in addition(加之,除……之外), moreover(此外,而且), what’s more, what’s worse等。

(3)表转折对比的过渡词:

but, however, yet, instead, on the other hand, on the contrary, although, different from, despite, in spite of, whereas, unlike, nevertheless, not only…but also, here…there, years ago…today, this…that, the former…the latter, then…now, the first… whereas the second, once…now, on the one hand … on the other hand, some…others等。

(4)表原因的过渡词:

because, because of, since, as, for, now that, thanks to, due to(由于), for this reason, owing to,  as far as, considering that, seeing that等。

(5)表结果的过渡词:

so, thus, therefore, as a result, so that, then, thereby, hence, so…that, such…that , accordingly等。  

(6)表条件的过渡词:

if, unless, on condition that, as/so long as等。

(7)表时间的过渡词:

when, while, after, before, until, as soon as, later, afterwards, soon, lately, recently, since, from then on,  eventually, in the meantime, then, suddenly, at the same time, next, early this morning / year / century, after a while, in a few days, now, presently, finally, at last, all of a sudden, form now on, at present, immediately, the moment等。

(8)表特定的顺序关系的过渡词:

first, firstly, second, secondly, third, thirdly, above all, first of all, then, next, finally, in the end, at last, afterward(s)(后来), meanwhile(几乎同时), thereafter(在那以后), last, finally, eventually(终于)等。

(9)表换一种方式表达的过渡词:

in other words, that is to say, to put it another way等。

(10)表进行举例说明的过渡词:

for instance, for example, take … as an example, namely, such as, like, in other words, that is to say, that is等。

(11)表陈述事实的过渡词:

in fact, actually, as a matter of fact, to tell you the truth等。

(12)表强调的过渡词:

certainly, indeed, above all, surely, most important, in fact, no doubt, without any doubt, truly, obviously, of course, actually, as a matter of fact, chiefly, especially, primarily, in particular, undoubtedly, absolutely等。

(13)表比较、对比的过渡词:

like, unlike, in the same way, similarly, be similar to, rather than, on the contrary, by contrast, one one hand…, on the other hand, otherwise 等。

(14)表目的的过渡词:

for this reason, for this purpose, so that, in order to, so as to等。

(15)表总结的过渡词:

in a word(总之,简言之), in general, in short(总之), above all, after all, generally speaking, to sum up, finally, in conclusion, to conclude, at last, in summary, on the whole等。

(16)表增补的过渡词:in addition, furthermore, again, also, besides, moreover, what`s more, similarly, next, finally 等。

 

2、文章段落之间的逻辑关系主要由过渡词来完成,在修辞中称为启、承、转、合。“启”就是开头, “承”是承接,“转”是转折,“合”是综合或总结。

(1) 用于“启”的过渡词语 

用于表示“启”的过渡词或过渡性的语句通常用在段落或文章的开头:

过渡词: first, first of all, at first, in the first place, firstly, to being with, to start with, recently, now, at present, in recent years, in general, generally speaking, at present, lately, currently,

过渡句:It is often said that…,

As the proverb says…,

It goes without saying that…,

It is clear/obvious that…,

Many people often ask …

(2) 用于“承”的过渡词语 

表示“承”的过渡词或过渡性的语句通常用在段落中的第一个扩展句中:

过渡词: second, similarly, in addition, besides, then, furthermore, moreover, what is more, what

         is worse, for example, for instance, certainly, surely, obviously, in other words, especially, particularly, in particular, indeed, still, third, truly, in fact, at the same time, no doubt,

过渡句:It is true that…,

Everybody knows that…,

It can be easily proved that…,

No one can deny that…

The reason why …is that …,

There is no doubt that…,

To take…for an example (instance) …,

We know that…,

What is more serious is that…

(3) 用于“转”的过渡词语 

用于“转”的过渡词或过渡性的语句通常用在段落中的第二个扩展句中:

过渡词:but, however, on the other hand, on the contrary, in contrast, in any case, at any rate(无

       论如何), nevertheless(虽然如此), otherwise, or, or else, while, whereas, but, despite, in

 spite of ..., yet, instead,

过渡句:I do not believe that…,

Perhaps you’ll ask why…

This may be true, but we still have a problem with regard to…,

Though we are in basic agreement with …, yet differences will be found,

That’s why i feel that…

(4) 用于“合”的过渡词语   

用于“合”的过渡词或过渡性的语句通常用在段落的结论句或文章的结论段中:

过渡词: in a word, in general, in short, above all, after all, generally speaking,to sum up, finally, in conclusion, at last, in summary, therefore, as a result, above all, thus,after all(毕竟), eventually, hence, in short, in conclusion, in a word, in sum(总之), on the whole(就整体而言), to sum up

过渡句:From this point of view …

On account of this we can find that …

The result is dependent on …

Thus, this is the reason why we must…

 

有些考生在作文中使用过多简单句,成了简单句堆砌;有的写复杂句时,动辄用so, and,then,but,or,however,yet等非但达不到丰富表达方式的目的,反而使句子结构松散、呆板。为了避免这种现象,可以通过使用不同的过渡词,不仅能够丰富句型,而且还能够把思想表达得更清楚,意义更连贯。

例如:

学生习作:

TV And Website

TV and website are popular media. They have something in common. Both of them make money from ads. Websites also have different sections. You may choose the one you are most interested in.

They are different in many ways. Moving pictures are shown on TV with sound and interpretation. It makes you feel that you are just on the spot. The programs change every day. Professional TV reporters do the report for TV. Some information on websites changes all the time. Not all of it is so updated. Everybody can write articles for websites rather than professional reporter.

Every medium has its own features. It is hard to say which is better.

 

分析:这段文字用简单句表达,它们之间内在的逻辑关系含糊不清,意思支离破碎。如果使用过渡词,将单句与其前后合并,形成主次关系,就把一个比较复杂的内容和关系表达得层次清楚、结构严谨。

 

修改后的文章:

TV and Website

Both TV and website are popular media. They have something in common. Both of them make money from ads. Similar to TV, websites also have different sections, so that you may choose the one you are most interested in.

 However, they are different in many ways. Above all, moving pictures are shown on TV with sound and interpretation, which makes you feel as if you are just on the spot. Then, the programs change every day and professional TV reporters do the report for TV. Unlike TV, some information on websites change all the time, but not all of it is so updated. In addition, everybody can write articles for websites rather than professional reporter.

In a word, every medium has its own features, so it is hard to say which is better.

 

修改后的文章用过渡词来衔接上下段

第一段第一句为:Both TV and website are popular media. They have something in common.

第二段第一句为:However, they are different in many ways.

第三段第一句为:In a word, every medium has its own features…

这篇短文每一段的第一句都是主题句,在每个主题句前使用both…and, however, in a word使全文有序地衔接起来。

修改后的文章中还恰当的使用了其他的一些过渡词,也使文章增色不少。

 

以下我们在一起看一看2005年高考江西卷书面表达试题及参考例文,注意其中过渡词的使用。

原题:

人们对于学生网上交友持不同意见。请你用英语写一篇关于学生网上交友的短文,介绍人们的不同观点,并表达自己的看法。

 

赞成的理由

反对的理由

你的看法

1.广交朋友

2.可自由表达思想

3.利于外语学习

1.浪费时间

2.影响学习

3.可能上当受骗

 

       注意:1.文章必须包括表中的全部内容。

                  2.词数为100左右。

                  3.参考词汇: 网络朋友on-line friend(s),上当受骗to be cheated

范文::

       Should students make friends on line? Some people say yes. The internet helps make many friends. Chatting on line, students can more freely express their feelings and opinions, and even get help with their foreign language studies.

       Others, however, think students should not. They say making friends on line is a waste of time, which should be spent more meaningfully on study. Besides, some students get cheated on line.

It is my opinion that students should place their study, health and safety before other things. As for friendship, we can readily find it in our classmates and other people around us.

 

五、规范书写,一气呵成

NMET的卷面分数一般也有2—3分,这就是大家常说的“印象分”。因此考生一定要做到书写规范,不要盲目地赶时间,忽略了书写。就是自己的书法不好,也要一笔一划,工工整整的书写,即使是标点符号也要认真对待,切忌草书、狂草,须知把字写好往往会给你带来一个意想不到的收获。

 

六、仔细检查,润色加工

文章写完后,应认真、全面地检查,尽量减少不必要的错误或失误,并适当修改文章,润色加工。

检查加工时可以按照以下步骤进行:

1)统计字数。估计一下整篇文章字数,如已经超过了规定范围,则应将一些无关紧要的句子删掉,如果字数不足,则应围绕题材中心要点做适当的增写。

2)检查段落。检查一下分段情况,看是否已分段以及段落划分是否合理。

3)参照提示要求,检查体裁、格式是否正确,内容要容是否全面。

4)有意识的将一些“低级词汇”处理成“高级词汇”;将一些“简单结构”处理成“较复杂结构”。即适当调整用词、句型,或改换表达方式,使词汇、句子多样化,结构复杂化。从而增加文章“亮点”,增加得高分的机会。

5)检查拼写、标点及语法错误。考生在检查时应注意拼写错误、大小写问题,标点符号问题;语法上应注意是否有主谓一致、时态一致、称谓一致、固定搭配等方便的错用。

6)最后,考生应再次检查卷面是否整洁。

考生在平时进行书面表达训练时就应注意控制写作时间。正文写作部分建议用时15~20分钟,考生务必留5~10分钟作为检查时间。很多考生忽略了对作文的检查,但事实上检查是非常有必要的,通过对文章的检查、润色,可能提高得分档次或增加得高分的机会。

 

句子改进实例:

1. 艺术家们的工作促进了我们文明的发展。。

The artist's work pushes our civilization to a higher level.

改进:Artists' work upgrades our civilization.

2. 假如你在一家大型工厂工作。

For example, you work in a big factory.

改进: Suppose you work in a big factory.

3. 你会发现这个工作很适合你,你会把它当成你的职业。

You'll find you are fit for business and you can make it your main job.

改进:You'll find that you are cut out for business and you can make it your career.

4. 如果我们只靠运气,那什么也得不到。

We will own nothing at all if we depend on luck.

改进: We will get nowhere if we rely on luck.

5. 他要涨工资了,那样他的生活水平就能提高了。

He will get a higher salary to improve his living level.

改进: He will get a higher salary, thus improving his life.

6. 他们思想还不成熟。

Their brain is still very young.

改进: They are still immature.

7. 不满足能使人奋进。

Dissatisfaction makes people produce desire for better things.

改进: Dissatisfaction impels people for the better.

8. 他们能分辨是非。

They can't analyze clearly what is right and what is wrong.

改进: They cannot tell right from wrong.

9. 这会有助于孩子们养成合理利用时间的良好习惯。

It will help children to form a good habit of dealing with time.

改进: It will help children learn to make good use of time.

10. 尽管这个工作并不是最好,但至少能使你生活无虞。

Though it is not the best job, it afford to his life.

改进: Though it is not the best job, a job is a job. He can make ends meet with it.

11. 因为人们永远不满足于现状,所以他们想要进一步发展。

Since people are always not satisfied with their present situation, they want further development.

改进: Since people are never satisfied with their status quo, they want further development.

12. 他们唯一要做的事就是找个能赚大钱的工作。

The only thing they need to do is to find a job which can easily get big money.

改进: The only thing they need to do is to find a job that can bring them big money.

13. 他们更喜欢的是充满挑战的生活,而不是平静的生活。

They like an active life but not a peaceful life.

改进: They like an active life rather than a peaceful one.

14. 这些雪茄可能要花不少钱。

Some cigarettes may even cost a larger sum of money.

改进: Some cigarettes may cost even more.

15. 首先,不满意鼓励了开发新产品。

Firstly, dissatisfaction encourages the discovery of new products.

改进: Firstly, dissatisfaction encourages the invention of new products.

16. 为了适应将来工作的需要,学生们必须学习掌握一些实用技能。

In order to suit the needs of entering into work, students must grasp some technical skills.

改进: In order to meet the needs of future work, students must learn some practical skills.

17. 需要有更多的合格的科学家和技术人员。

It is very necessary more qualified scientists and technicians.

改进: Qualified scientists and technicians are in great demand.

18. 你要使这些知识成为你的一部分。

This knowledge will become a part of your body.

改进: This knowledge will become part of you.

19. 他们想不太明白。

They cannot think clearly.

改进: They cannot think straight.

20. 钱能改善生活条件。

Money can improve their living standard.

改进: Money can improve their life.

21. 父母总希望孩子能找到一个好工作、赚大钱。

Parents always think that children will get a good job and earn a lot of money.

改进: Parents always expect their children to get a good job and earn a lot of money.

22. 如果一个学生只关心钱,他的生活不会幸福。

If a student only cares about money, he will lead to be unhappy all his life.

改进: If a student only cares about money, he will be misled and will be unhappy all his life.

23. 教育的目的之一就是学会如何学习。

One purpose of education is to study the way in which he studies later.

改进: One purpose of education is to learn to learn.

24. 很多父母让孩子学钢琴。

Many parents arrange their children go to learn piano.

改进: Many parents send their children to piano classes.

 

下面我们来具体看一篇英语书面表达学生习作如何修改:

原题:

假设你叫李华,今年暑假你的朋友Jane及其家人要到北戴河度假。她想租一套合适的住房。你碰巧在网上发现几则租房广告,认为其中一个较为合适,于是你将广告中的相关信息用e-mail发给Jane,供她参考。内容:房子位于城区,距机场高速公路仅一公里;备有安全系数高的停车场;附近有医院和现代化购物中心;要了解更详细的情况,请查阅网址www.hr.com.cn。100词左右。

Dear Jane,

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

学生习作:

Dear Jane,

I’m very glad to hear you will come to Beidahe to spend your summer holiday with your family. I’ve just read several ads for house rent from the Internet, they might interest you, I think.

One of the flat lies in the city seems to be suitable. It is only one km from the flat to the freeway leading to the airport, meanwhile, there is a safely-guarded parking area. And you can find a hospital and a modern shopping center nearby. The good designed flat looks fine and there is enough room for your family. If you need father information, you may look up the webside “www.houserent.com.cn.”.

评析:

就文章内容而言,这是一篇相当不错的学生习作。要点齐全、行文连贯、条理清晰;当然,习作也有不少不足之处。以下我们一起按步骤来检查一下这篇习作。

1)字数:本文每行大约18个单词,6行左右,总计100词左右。字数符合题目要求。

2)段落:本文分为两段,基本合理。也可把最后一句话“If you need father information, you may look up the webside “www.houserent.com.cn.”.”另起一段。

3) 本文是一篇e-mail,属于书信,应有固定格式。但该篇习作作者忽视了这一点,文章缺少了结束语和署名。须在正文后另起一行,空3~4个字符加上结束语,如“Best wishes!”;在右下角署名“Yours, Li Hua”。

4)就该篇文章的遣词造句而言,interest you, safely-guarded等词语的运用增强了文章的表达力度,总体还是相当不错的。

5)检查拼写、标点和语法错误。

A. “wiil come”应该成“are coming”,因为come,go,leave等瞬间动词ichangyong进行时标将来。

B. “,they”此处可将逗号改为句号,“they”首字母大写;或真该为which引导的非限制性定于从句。

C. 根据语意,此处“lies”应改为“lying”,分词短语做后置定语。

D. “meanwhile”是副词而非连词,不能连接两个句子。此处,可在“meanwhile”前加“and”;或者逗号改称句号,变成两个句子。

E. “And you can find a hospital and a modern shopping center nearby.”此句改为there be

句型:“And there is a hospital and a modern shopping center as well nearby.”使前后举行一致,行文更连贯。

F.  用词不当,此处“farther”应该为“further”。

6) 再次检查卷面是否整洁。

 

下面是修改后的文章:

 

Dear Jane,

I’m very glad to hear you are coming to Beidahe to spend your summer holiday with your family. I’ve just read several ads for house rent from the Internet, which might interest you, I think.

One of the flat lying in the city seems to be suitable. It is only one km from the flat to the freeway leading to the airport, and meanwhile, there is a safely-guarded parking area. And there is a hospital and a modern shopping center as well nearby. The good designed flat looks fine and there is enough room for your family.

If you need further information, you may look up the webside “www.houserent.com.cn.”.

Best wishes!

                                                         Yours,

                                                         Li Hua

 

运用以上讲解的书面表达写作技巧,我们再来看下面这样一篇书面表达:

原题:

联合国教科文组织某考察团正在我国某乡村参观考察.假定你是接待人员,请根据下列提示以发言稿的形式简要介绍这个村的情况:

大小:近100户人家,约500口人。

变化:过去很穷,78年后变化很大.人们生活比以前好多了。现已旧貌换新颜。

教育:原来的学校很小,现已经过改建.新建的教学楼有4层,是村里最美的建筑物.村所有学龄儿童在此免费就读。

注意:

(1)要点齐全,前后连贯。

(2)词数:100-120之间。

 

分析:

⑴ 根据试题中所提供要点,将所需要的语言材料准备好。可以只列出主要的词、词组、短语及句型。

① 100 families and 500 people

② used to be very poor/ change a lot/ richer than before/ take on a new look

③ was very small/ have been rebuilt

④ newly-built/have 4 storeys/ most beautiful building

⑤ school-age children/ enjoy free education

⑵ 扩展成句,连句成篇;注意体裁、格式。本文为一篇发言稿,其格式与口头通知大体相同。因此,短文应有称呼,开场及结束语。既然介绍的是小村,所使用的人称应为it。应注意时态,语态的正确运用,并适当使用一些连接成分将所列的语句连成完整的语篇。全文应结构紧凑,前后连贯。

Ladies and gentlemen,

Welcome to our village! ①This village is very small. It has nearly 100 families and about 500 people. It used to be very poor. ②It has changed a lot since 1978 ③. People here ④are richer than before. Now it is taking on a new look.

In the past, the school here was very small⑤. ⑥Now it has been rebuilt. ⑦The newly built teaching building. ⑧has 4 storeys and it is the most beautiful building in the village. All the school-age children can study here. ⑨They enjoy free education in it. ⑩Thank you.

我们可以看到,现在这篇书面表达要点齐全,表达也没语法错误,但语言平淡,表达方式单一,逻辑性也差,因此很难在考试的评分中得到较高档次。如果使用一些恰当的连接词,并尽量使用较高级的词汇和较复杂的语法结构,这个平淡的文章就会有很大改观,甚至会变得更精彩。

Ladies and gentlemen,

Welcome to our village! ①This village is a small one with/which has nearly 100 families and about 500 people. It used to be very poor. ②However, it has changed a lot since 1978 ③and has been developing very fast. People here ④have/live a much better life than before . Now it is taking on a new look.

In the past, the school here was very small ⑤and most children couldn't afford to go to school. ⑥But now it has been rebuilt ⑦and the newly built teaching building ⑧which has 4 storeys is the most beautiful one in the village. All the school-age children can study here. ⑨What's more/Also, they enjoy free education.

⑩May you enjoy your stay here/May you have a pleasant time here! Thank you.

评析:

① 用介词短语作定语或用含定语从句的主从复合句。

② 语句间缺少连接成分However。

③ 表现作者对现在乡村的发展的喜悦心情,也起到承上启下作用。

④ 较高级词汇。

⑤ 作者对过去孩子们上不起学表示遗憾和同情。

⑥ 语句间缺少连接成分,添加But。

⑦  语句间缺少承上启下连接成分and。

⑧ 用含定语从句的主从复合句。

⑨ 此处应添加一个承接上下文的过渡性词语,如“What's more/Also”,这样,前后就显得更加连贯了。

⑩ 如能适当发挥,在结尾处添加像“May you enjoy your stay here/May you have a pleasant time here!”的表希望,祝愿的语句,会使全文更加完整,使文章读起来更亲切,完全达到与读者进行交流的目的,从而收到更佳的表达效果。

④为较高级词汇。

①⑧为较复杂句式.

②⑥⑦⑨这些连接词的恰当使用无疑能使全文过渡自然,令读者对后续的句子产生心理的期待和准备,增强句子间的逻辑性和紧凑性。

③⑤⑩适当增加句子的感情色彩,增加一些人情味,使文章读起来更亲切,完全达到与读者进行交流的目的。

以上我们可以看出,在考生若在文章中使用一些较高级词汇或复杂句子结构以及恰当的连接词,能提高文章水准,在考试的评分中得到较高的档次。

 

总之,希望同学们通过以上启发,灵活运用,坚持用科学的方法多写多练,就一定能写出高质量的英语作文,在高考中取得成功。

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